The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
