Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
