hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize