are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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