plz talk dirty to me
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize