I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
