umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
