Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
