he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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