This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
