dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
