i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
