i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
be right there i have to get my cape
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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