Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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