you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
