i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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