that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
