It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We are all done wearing pants today
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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