Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize