He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
