I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
