it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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