how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize