do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Randomize
