the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
