I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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