Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize