dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
