hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so let's talk penis.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
