First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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