Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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