I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Someone signed my nipple.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
