I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
