Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
