Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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