So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
