All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
