When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
