So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
