he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
