I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
