ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
