i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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