fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
