As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
