hotel room ftw
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
