Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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