Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
