why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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