I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Randomize
