So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
