That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
