I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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