i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
only you would photoshop your dick
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
