He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
