Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
