Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
