It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
