So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
