It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
