you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
