I need help removing her.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
