where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
What a dumb baby whore.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
