I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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