Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
