I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she peed on how many people?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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