I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Be still, my beating vagina.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
