I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
