Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
