is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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