Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
