What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
