...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
