Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
