awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
