i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
