No awkward lesbian experiences without me
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
