legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize