it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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