Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
