had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
