Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
