3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
