We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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