so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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