we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize