Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
