Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
