You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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