it was like eating out sand paper
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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