I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Are we still banned from the library?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
