im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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