I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
