Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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