In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
