THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the day after is always just damage control
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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