You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
