sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
