Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
