If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
