Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
