Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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