i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
