I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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