Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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