im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
