I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
