This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
