Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
