dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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