I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
