If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
