Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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