Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
